Cured?
It was massage school that really changed my life. Part of one of the weekly classes, we did the equivalent of group counseling. (The idea behind that being that if you don't deal with your mental baggage now, you'll wind up with its effects magnified by doing massage) I think, early on, I actually wanted to drown. Having discovered I floated by elbow depth, I was considering wearing weights to go play in the deep mud. It seemed to me, during the counselling sessions, that I really didn't accept or like myself, and that I needed to get over that.
The funny thing is that now, in times of stress, that draw comes back *bigtime*. I guess I know how I'll want to commit suicide, should things ever get to be too much for me. (Not that suicide has been even an occasional thought since I left the navy)
Am I "cured"? No. The first thing in our group sessions in school was to give up the idea of ever "fixing" yourself, but rather to get to know, accept, and love yourself as a human being. We were told that even that was going to be a journey, rather than a destination.
Mud is still a turn-on. The stickier the better! Tar has been a fun fantasy ever since visiting the La Breah tar pit museum in CA, but I have yet to get anywhere near it. I plan on having a good camera with me if/when I get to visit Pitch Lake in Tahiti, but even then I plan to do nothing more than wade through some ankle-deep stuff along the shore. (with a guide, and likely some helpers to make clean-up easier) I'm okay with all of that. I've told my wife, and while she doesn't share in any of the fantasy of it, she is happy to let me play, so long as I'm careful.
